JOURNAL ENTRY FROM 2-14-04

Unless I focus - I am a mess. The deeper I dig - I realize what an abyss my own private hell is. There are no walls and the space is limitless. I know here - the longer I stay - I could be lost forever. The air here is so heavy - I feel no desire to move. I suck everything in with me....my entire life and the people I love. My percerption of this hell is so surreal...part of me feels at home here. The other half hates this madness and wants to run away. Distressed by what it does to others. I want no more of this - but it keeps sucking me back in. It doesnt want just half of me - it wants the whole. I know in here - in this abyss - there is a lesson......a decision......my lifes work......what I am meant to overcome............ My destiny.