* star tripping *

gathering the stardust
the afterglow from the dream

you bend my light
and your stardust fills my eyes
blinding me
from the ever present dark nothing

spin me around
in dizzy circles
a laugh escapes my stomach
in waves of glittering gold

i am smiling again
touching the dream again

and yet...
yesterdays tears
call me to complain
i always leave the after party
with your dust on my clothing

a little confused
I had crawled back home
to clean my wounds
and found your roses
on my door step

I think I may have awakened you
and Im not sure I really ment to

...feeling a little scared now
because the rainbow may be real

what I have awakened
could crawl right into my sky
and make it rain for days
like it does at the end of the world

Oh my God -
what is it that Ive done?

hope

melting the haze
his breath drips off her vine
enchanting the eternal darkness
in the world below
killing her undertones of grey
while the gravity sinks her red
giving life to the stones once again

breath of brightness feeds the fire
life finally set in motion
she is rising from the ashes beneath

in his eyes she sees the birth of a thousand suns
a chance to give life to
all that the angels have dreamed

he gives her all the will she will ever need
to grow this strange and lovely thing

this rare creature that she is
has slept a thousand nights
and only wishes to dance inside

where the light melts

if she would just wake up and move
if she would just recognize it for what it is
the diamonds would fall
then she could be whole

a world on fire

Self-deception is universal
We all crawl inside that dark cave
but my chaos has become a universe in itself
For years, I have built my illusive fate

I sit at the window still - afraid still
but I can feel the lifting of the veil
I want the haze to melt
I want so desperately to take in a real breath

For 40 days and 40 nights
I have been wearing my veil
Is it time for me to finally be whole
or to pity insecurities, should I stay buried in this hole?

The only time that I feel myself as I truly am
is when my colors bleed
I want to live on fire
I want to create a world

Could you love me that much?
To give me space to roam and to figure this out
to let me find the overgrown path
that I abandon all those years ago

I am not leaving you
I am not saying farewell
but I want to create a fire
and I want to live in that world.

dizzy

I jump onto the rainbow again
as Eros climbs in my hand
and a fire burns in my chest
as I play in soft rain

I hear the laughter again
from somewhere inside the light
I stalk it like a hunter
hungry again
inside the dream again

Light swirls
and you appear
glistening in formless light
dancing and singing all around me
you shift and take shape
and my heart bounds beneath
as the red begins to bleed through
My God - it is You

you run on ahead
like snowflakes
dancing on circles of wind

I follow...
follow your light tracks
I always seem to be following you
here
to the rainbows end
to where it all began

but I can never seem to catch you
you run too fast
the dizziness pulls me up
and over the chasm
like violent trembling wings

if only for a moment I brush your shoulder
with the light from my fingertips
But the space gives way
and you are racing still
so I laugh as I pick up the trail of stones
fallen from your pocket

~ laughter echoes inside the dream ~

you slowly turn around
see me there
clutching the stolen stones

my heart stops dead in my chest
have I awakened you?
do you really see me?

you tilt your head and narrow your eyes
"Do I know you?" he is wondering
I tremble and want to wake
you weren't meant to see me here
you weren't meant to see the stones
now dripping like melted glass
from my hands
in a moment of fear

you realize your own blunder
and the hole in your pocket
and then stare at me accusingly
but I want to cry out in defense
"These are my stones!!
Do you not remember the rain-
when all turned to ice and snow?"

but instead I run
run back the way we came
through the dizzying daylight
away from you
away from the stones
that I leave behind again

I always seem leave them behind for you
do you even remember what they are for?

I run
so dizzy from the heat
of your light

I slide over the rainbow
and back into my darkness
back to the window again
iced over and cracking still...

Come Here Boy by Imogen Heap

Its dark in here
visions are flashing through my head as I reminisce
my recurring dreams and you said
Im falling - falling for you babe
and my feelings are getting stronger
so why dont you stay with me for a -
for a little longer...

Come here boy
oh come here boy
come here boy
oh come here boy

I know that my face
is only too familiar to your sleep
I can see it in your eyes
I can tell by your body heat
Why are you taking so long
You need to come and find me honey
to set your mind at rest
let your dreams run free...

Come here boy
oh come here boy
come here boy
oh come here boy

Oh you know - Im no stranger in your dreams...

Im craving, Im howling, Im begging, Im pleading be my tonight
Well Im waiting, Im dying, Im wanting, Im needing to show you this night
Where I'll be holding, and touching, caressing and giving you your every fantasy
I'll get you dreaming and lusting, burning and praying for more of this ecstasy

Come here boy
oh come here boy
come here boy
oh come here boy

Im no stranger in your dreams...

shhh...

I've wraped my head up and put it someplace safe
A do not disturb sign has been on the door for over a month now
I thought I was done with this
I thought I was waking up
But lately daylight seems the darkest
And I cannot seem to open my eyes
I need some space and a pill for my headache
I need to lay down and dream on soft melted sky

~dripping~

I may have created the light
but I am breathing in the dark

giving to a mad world
giving to a sleeping world

all you seek can be found in a paper cup
all the lies that you live drip like venom from your tounge

do you think the average person really cares about Gabriel's wings?
do you really think that they see the light swell beyond the grey?

and it burns right through
it couldn't be more obvious

the angels play dead for you
would you stop their singing too?

trip and fall again
see how they laugh again

a life always waiting for you
just behind the sharpest blue

All of this you do not see
but this is how I dream

Does the red in my roses bleed too much for you?

If Grief For Grief Can Touch Thee by Emily Jane Bronte

If grief for grief can touch thee,
If answering woe for woe,
If any truth can melt thee
Come to me now!


I cannot be more lonely,
More drear I cannot be!
My worn heart throbs so wildly
'Twill break for thee -


And when the world despises -
When heaven repels my prayer -
Will not mine angel comfort?
Mine idol hear?


Yes by the tears I poured,
By all my hours of pain
O I shall surely win thee
Beloved, again!

Nike (Nee-Kay)

Nike
your neck drips with red
do you even remember where you left the light?

The wind took the dream
and scattered the ashes
so Persephone could go home

and you are silent still
would you remain silent forever?

The angels weep for you
yet your strength shines through
and illuminates the darkest night

In some small way
you show your colors
I can see that you are still grieving
can see it bleeding through

you find strength for so many
yet you cannot seem to use it to say goodbye
to that reckless illusion

the window just wont go away
the ice splinters the window pane
and you would cry for it
if you could find the light in your eyes

but Persephone is home now
and that light warms your soul
its enough to see the angels dance, you say,
its enough to remember the light

is it Nike?
is it enough?
will it ever be enough?

it all comes down to this

do we stop it now?
stop the bleeding
stop your colors from shining through?

find the severed light?

I think we could stop it somehow
we could break the glass
so you could step outside

But this little illusive dream
could stiffen and break on your tongue
the dream goes wherever you do

the dream is you
no matter what colors you wear
no matter if you bleed through

the dream is you
and this is your moment of truth

wake up little dream

sleeping...dreaming
cloud falls on my open hand
run fast as laughter
spin the mantra wheel
make me bright as sky
trip on the hollyhock
fall on the seers stones
shatter goes the glass eyes
can see without them
I am free
over my sensitivity
she silently sleeps
draped over a couch cushion
on a paper floor
in Heathcliff's hallway

hands break
fists ache

your laughter echoes somewhere in the dream
and I can see now
the rainbow pinched me
and I have found the golden threads
angels and your smile
sit perfectly poised
for the afterlife

the sunrise glitters over the hilltop
I am running still
I skip over the water
like a stone
I am the martyr again
your savior again
blessed be the little changeling
in my pocket
she's tired of running
I am her legs
I am her wings
she does not want to move
the dream is too perfect
but I can run into her
I will wake her
make it all drip with red

you fall on me
but I will climb into you

I can see the window
iced over
where you sit and dream still
even though the daylight threatens to melt the haze all away
Do you want to see little one?
Do you really want to see?
See what the angels could bring?
If I told your little secret, would you run with me?
Would you follow the rainbow to the end?
Would you dare?
To leave the window and come outside?

Stand up and move those tired limbs
you are not asleep anymore
you have my wings on
you have my eyes on
your face alive
a little more color now

Ive dreamed it for you
but now you have to melt the light
and make him dream
this is your handiwork
your ballroom is glittering with starlight

and he waits for you inside

waiting for your crystal shard

put it in his hand

he wants to dream it now

inside the light somewhere

he hears the laughter

he too sleeps under the weight of the stones

make him dream
make him see
make the light melt
make the dream wake up....

Black Ocean

Precariously treading water
much deeper than myself
I hand myself a lie
as your ego suffocates all of my intentions

I am too late for this
too late for the what that I am seeking
you're already there
pulling the thread that binds you to the moon

I silently pray to the tiny pasty thing - this, your divinity
to please just understand - I still have it in my pocket
a stone this heavy should sink straight to the bottom
falling should be effortless and obvious

yet she and I glide above the highest wave
still dizzy from the thrill

you engulf me again and again
and I slip off my will
let you take me out
further and deeper into madness

I make myself a captive
but it is you that pulls on me
you cannot resist to keep me here

counting the lovely teardrops
as they merge with your history
and dissolve into your own sorrow

you unite your kingdom
and I watch in disbelief
as I realize I am not the only one
your chaos consumes all -
all who would dare to gaze upon it

Your golden threads swim
just beneath the surface
and I take the bait
you tempt me to come inside now
and I let you swallow me whole

You laugh and I drown a little bit
too heavy this feeling
-protect the stone that grows heavy-
and im finally sinking
...sinking into you

Its strange and frightening
that this thrill should somehow continue
she said drowning is a peaceful death
and she was right

I submit - let the stone sink me
not really caring anymore
no longer asking why
as you finally are saying hello...

A scream gets strangled
as you entrapped me in your tomb
I want to laugh now at the irony of it all
but I cannot move

Yet as fall into blackness
I recognize it as an incremental gesture of something still so much larger.

Bury the Light

I stumble into the end of your story
where the shadows loom just underneath the light
I dip my pen into the inkwell and pull out your tale
unknowingly pulling out a measure of madness as well

I wont smile, I promise, at any part of it
I vow not to shed pitiful and useless tears
but as I observe the black bleed the paper dry
I sense your lifeforce sinking deeper into mine

You cringe now but you could not have seen it coming
You were denied the day light before she came
from where you stood, she shined too bright
and you just could not see without her eyes

You had found the one who would guide you
into her light you always fled
but she in turn would never follow you home
-cast herself in iron to defy your fruitless tomb

The dream was perfect, you said
if only you could have made her see
but your plea was lost in a tortoise shell
and now that shes gone, the mirror pool swells

The night is a violent retribution
what should be finished never sleeps
you will hunt your ghosts regardless
even though in her death, she could not care less

A light in the window still shines for her
luring her tormented soul back home
she walks the night of a thousand deaths
never unearthing what she seeks, never finding rest

Yet you lay in wait every night
watching the silent moor
stone by stone building your crooked shrine
you would weep for her till the end of time

My pen drips in thick pools of black
hopeful that the story should resume
but the shroud is complete and your eyes lay still
as the moon above shines overhead like angels

This is my favorite picture of Gerard...


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"Hand in mine...into your icy blues...and then I'd say to you..we could take to the highway...with this trunk of ammunition too...I would end my days with you...in a hail of bullets..."

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